Chris Rock and Your Resume

We are currently participating in The Great Recruiting Blogswap  and I'm honored that this week's guest poster is the Canadian Headhunter whose Recruiting Animal blog is one of my favorites, and whose perspective as someone who actually reads resumes is invaluable to anyone looking for a job.

You're supposed to be effective and efficient, dummy.

Do you remember those mock conversations Chris Rock used to have with losers whose standards were so low they would expect a pat on the back for fulfilling their most ordinary responsibilities?

--  I take care of my kids!
-- "Hey, Dummy!. You're supposed to take care of your kids!"

-- I never been to jail !
-- So what do you want? A cookie!!

I feel the same way when I read a resume that boasts:

-- Successfully did this.
-- Effectively did that.
-- Efficiently and effectively blah, blah, blahed.

Hey, Mr Professional, you're supposed to be efficient and effective. That ain't no added value so why on earth should you mention it? Especially in such a moronic way. Like I'm going to take it on your say-so alone.

Listen, you can crow about your effectiveness till the cows come home, but when I get you on the phone I'm going to ask you to prove it. And, chances are, you won't like that because you haven't even thought about objective measurements.

And, listen, if you've read some idiotic article on how to dodge honest, straight-forward questions in an interview, forget it. Nothing irks me more than when a candidate resists answering questions about basic issues they left off their resume.

And, don't think I want to hurt you. I'd like to get everyone whatever job she wants. But, my boss, the hiring manager, goes crazy if I don't get the information she wants.

So, listen, if you feel like blowing chunks, go find a toilet. Don't do it your on resume. You'll spare me and make yourself look smarter.

- Canadian Headhunter, Recruiting Animal.com

Comments

[Canadian Headhunter]

Louise, I'm unworthy! Thank you very much for that great introduction. And everyone else. listen to what Louise says. She really knows!!

[LouiseKursmark]

Couldn't have said it better myself... in fact I try to be a bit more diplomatic about it when critiquing resumes. I figure candidates get enough grief from recruiters and employers, they don't need to get it from someone they are paying to help them! But still the point is, don't blah-blah me to death, tell me what you DID and PROVE IT.

[Deb Dib]

Wow! Bravo! EVERY job seeker with a resume needs to read Canadian Headhunter's plainspoken, humorous, yet all-too-real rant.

I absolutely agree with the post. As a coach and resume professional I see resumes that are just full of this stuff.

So do yourself, your recruiter, and your potential employer a favor--start your resume sentences with action-words, not self-praise. Who cares how much you think you are 'a consummate negotiator' or a 'proven leader' or any other number of 'look at me; I'm so great' phrases.

Instead, tell 'em about all the successful negotiations you've closed (with numbers and details) and guess what? They'll think 'this guy's a consummate negotiator!' Tell 'em about the successful turnarounds you've managed (with numbers and details) and they'll think 'Wow, this guy's a proven leader!'

Proof of performance goes a lot further than puffery!

Canadian Headhunter, I just love your post!

[Kathy Simmons]

Great post! Quantify, quantify, quantify! Put your numbers where your mouth is. Otherwise it's all just your opinion and hype.

[Recruitomatic]

CH - would you care to share with us what a good resume looks like? Hmmm...Didn't think so. When the time comes I'll call you for(yet another)favor. One like this perhaps: http://recruitinganimal.typepad.com/recruitinganimal/2006/07/shallys_friend_.html

You crack me up.

Amitai